


My sleepy Jess

by orphan_account



Category: Omegle - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 15:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4882222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account





	My sleepy Jess

**You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!**

 

_Question to discuss:  
What would you have done in high school if I, and a few others cornered you, started pushing you around, and beat your ass down hard if you tried to fight back, because we were bullying you everyday?_

 

Stranger: i would summon my inner ninja and beat the shit out of everyone  
Stranger: okay that's a totally lie i'd probably cry for hours  
Stranger: *total my bad  
You: Make up an elaborate murder plan  
You: Or yeah just go all avatar state  
You: And fuck them mofos up  
Stranger: well, if it's at school i'd wait for someone to break it up like i'm not gonna get that beaten up in the 5 seconds it takes for someone to come  
Stranger: but then again people are kinda wild, someone just got disembowled in my area so idek anymore tbh  
You: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah that too maybe. If this is happening to you dude just fucking march to the principles office and them them whats happening  
Stranger: yeah that's true. bullying is lame.  
You: It's never gon stop otherwise  
You: Stupid bullies  
Stranger: lol i remember this one time someone threatened to jump me and i was like "okay" and it never happened i was so prepared man  
You: Haha dude  
You: Yeah just slam on the wit switch and beat their ears  
You: And their egos  
Stranger: he was like, "wow you're such a bitch, i'm gonna get all my friends and we're gonna beat you up." and i was like, "okay man do what you gotta do." and it didn't happen like okay  
Stranger: i couldn't even throw shade tbh i stutter too much but i'm witty i can give you that  
You: I did something like that once. Guy be like "yo imma beat yo ass you gay ass bitch" and i was like "Oh yeah" and i got up real close to him so his friends couldn't hear and whispered "im going to rip your lungs out through your eye socket and then shove them down your throat" and yeah he backed off i guess  
Stranger: like i mean what i did that was so "bitchy" was that the guy was being a dick the door was locked and my friend was out there and he saw her, walked up to the door, waved and walked away and i was like, "seriously" so i walked past him to get to the door but on the way i knocked him down lmao  
You: rofl pay back bitch  
Stranger: he was shorter than me too, and i'm like 5'4" so like PLEASE beat me up i DARE you  
You: Yeah im like 6'2" and the dude was like maybe 5'11" so I kinda just laughed for a long time when the dude turned away and my buddy jay was standing there in all of his 6'4" glory  
You: He shat himself man  
Stranger: damn you're tall. my drum major is 6'4" and like my head is below his shoulder or at his shoulder it's terrible  
Stranger: i.... need to grow  
You: Dude it's just genetics  
You: but eat meat i guess idk  
Stranger: how am i gonna intimidate bullies when i'm the size of an 11 year old lmao  
You: you'll get there. I have faith  
Stranger: i'm totally done growing, i think i stunted my growth, i stay up too late  
You: Hahaha the stuggle is real my mn  
You: man*  
Stranger: BUT at least i reached average height for girls in the us, i would've cried if i was shorter but i hear guys like short girls but its not like that's helping me lmao  
You: Ha it's likely that when you find someone they won't care how tall you are  
You: It's not that much of a problem in my opinion  
You: But maybe im bias  
You: idk  
Stranger: maybe it'll help my chances. like, "damn there goes the short girl in all her short glory"  
You: Hahaha  
You: dayyyyyum  
Stranger: yeah ANYTHING to help my chances bc bOI someone needs to fall in love with me asap  
You: You not having much luck huh?  
Stranger: nah man, i try. BOY DO I TRY. last guy, i call him human pepe, his name is dylan, played me like i was cod. bruh i took him out to eat vietnamese soup and i bought him cupcakes. i saw his eyes dilate and he told me he liked me BUT THEN HE IGNORED ME FOR LIKE a month like okay ??? i cried internally ??? still am ??? but whatever he looks like a frog.  
Stranger: i'm never asking out a boy again like nope you can ask me out never again  
You: Boy best be ribbitin away  
Stranger: and bruh he saw me at a party and sat next to me and acted like nothing was wrong i was like okay ??? i see you ??? idk i still think about him sometimes, i thought about him today and there he goes liking my picture on instagram i guess i love my memes too much  
You: Yeah dodgy fellow.... my roomate just slammed his door i swear to got it was like i was just struck by lightning my god i just years off my life.  
You: god*  
You: lost  
You: goddamn it my words are escaping me  
Stranger: lmao my dog scares me sometimes he never barks and then randomly at 3am he HAS to scream  
You: yeah it's like... babies laugh is the most precious thing to hear... unless it is 3am  
Stranger: TRUU lmao that reminds me of my grandma's bird he mimics voices really well and whenever i stay over there he HAS to mimic grandma's laugh at 4am while i'm trying to sleep  
You: god dayum  
You: no respect  
Stranger: he's scary sometimes he mimics me and i turn to look at him like, "really?"  
Stranger: ANYWHO what's up lool, how are you?  
You: haha creepy fellow  
not much ay, Im well. How are you m'lady?  
Stranger: i'm alright i guess, still tired from yesterday i was marching but i can't sleep weird how that works  
You: that should make you sleep more right? wth  
what you marching for?  
Stranger: marching band lmao i'm in drum line so i march with a huge ass drum so i have bruises all over my knee loool and yeah, i guess i'm a bit of an insomniac i guess  
You: ahhh the viciousness of insomnia. Doesn't discriminate based on age, gender or race. Slimy motherfucker  
Stranger: yeah truuu. i wish i had like sleeping pills or something like PLEASE. i'm tired and sleepy all day and then when i wanna sleep i'm wide awake like okay really ???  
You: Yeah sleepng pills man. When i'm really ass-over-tea-kettle tired i just take a phenergan  
You: knocks me out like a tranq  
Stranger: before school started my dad used to give me pills and stuff but then he stopped and was like, "i don't want you to depend on them" like PLEASE and then he hid them so i just try to tire myself out at night  
You: yeah becoming dependant is not a good thing. buddy of mine started off like that, now hes in rehab  
You: so going for a run is good  
Stranger: yeah that's true but even if i do something like physical i'm still awake, marching band kills but it's not tiring. even tho i do like 75 pushups and run and march and practice everyday i'm still not tired lmao. i tire out my eyes, really, i read.  
You: electronically? if so try hardcopy  
Stranger: i usually read hard copies but today i felt like goofing off since it's a saturday (sunday now really) so i'm on my laptop on omegle obv and writing for that story i'm trying to finish  
You: ahhh  
You: sundayyyyyy  
You: What time is it for u?  
Stranger: it's 3am, you?  
You: 3pm hahahhhahahaha  
Stranger: bruh  
You: GURL SLEEEEEEP  
Stranger: i'm not sleepy yet. i should sleep, i have church today lmao i go in 5 hours.  
You: You cant get sleepy with a screen in front of you, the melatonin is pumping  
Stranger: okay YES that's true  
Stranger: but i'm bored and my light is already turned off and i'm totally not gonna get up and turn it on to read  
You: I know im amazing to talk to and stuff but i dont mind if you toTALLY GO TO SLEEP YOU'RE GOING TO HATE YOURSELF IN 4.5 HOURS  
You: SRSLY  
Stranger: i know i know, but i've stayed up later than this it's totally okay. you're trying to get rid of me aren't you? I THOUGHT I WAS COOL  
You: I've done the same thing. It hurts.  
No I am not trying to get rid of you, you're hot shit kay? Promise.  
I am however concerned about you're health  
You: your* shhhhh  
Stranger: i'm totally healthy man i GOT this i've done this before. i'll just fall asleep in church or something (i'm sorry god but you know how it is)  
You: It's your funeral. Ha. Hahahaha. Get it? ha. church and the funeral and hahahahahhahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa shh im amazing  
Stranger: lmao you're so lame. but i smiled so i'll give you THAT. gosh, i hope my friends don't go to church tomorrow bc i'll totally be dead in there.  
You: Pfft, you love me.  
They're going to be there. and they're going to grill you  
Stranger: I have this one friend who's way more into church than me and she will murder me if she sees me asleep plUS that'll totally lose me babe points with the religious boy clique.  
You: Yeahhhhhhhh you're screwed  
Stranger: maybe my mom'll sleep in and we miss church that could happen. but i'll be screwed either way i should be getting up early and doing my homework that i procrastinated on lmao.  
You: Procrastination is my birth-name.  
Stranger: SAME i mean i'm not as bad as some people but i shouldn't wait this long to start my "30 page notes" now i should've started friday  
Stranger: my grammar is gone i'm so tired i need to stop  
You: sweetheart go to bed  
You: you need sleep  
You: this is not worth an allnighter  
Stranger: yeah it totally is all nighters are fun  
Stranger: kind of  
You: Oh. Well okay then. We can watch movies all night, braid your hair and talk about cute boys. totally. nice. i like.  
Stranger: haha. my hair's not long enough to braid but we can try.  
You: okay then.  
You: well, im glad thats sorted. i was getting worried  
Stranger: ha you're funny. idk about the cute boy part my current target hasn't been at work for weeks, if he quit i'll cry  
You: What is love? Baby dont hurt me  
You: dont hurt me  
You: no more  
You: I AM SORRY  
You: continue..... ahem  
Stranger: i'm dead, you've killed me  
You: Oh  
You: well then... what song would you like to be played at your funeral  
You: you know the one your attending in 5 hours  
Stranger: i want "she's like heroin" by system of a down played bc i know my friends will laugh  
You: a'ight  
Stranger: and i want supermarket boy to be in attendance, crying bc he didn't ask me out  
You: I'll get on that  
Stranger: i'm evil, i was about to say just kill me but i'm already dead  
You: but not on him  
You: no wait  
You: stop  
You: a  
You: shit.  
Stranger: i'm laughing  
Stranger: he's a total dork tho, unless you're into that  
You: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm nnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooo uhhh  
You: stahp  
Stranger: he's like  
Stranger: exactly like me  
Stranger: honestly but obv he's a boy and he's tall  
You: Oh.................um................................................................................................................................................................. she's my cherry pieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
Stranger: stop i'm dying  
Stranger: wait i'm dead already i'm so not good at this  
You: Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise  
Tastes so good makes a grown man cry  
Sweet cherry pieeee  
Stranger: bruh  
You: im sorryyyyyyyyyyyyy  
Stranger: you're killing me  
Stranger: more  
You: what is lov- okay no... no............................................................................................................................e? BABY DONT HURT ME  
You: DONT HURT ME  
You: NO  
You: MORE  
Stranger: i'm crying, you're amazing  
Stranger: i'm gonna die at church tomorrow, remember bring tulips to my funeral  
You: i try  
aye aye cap'in  
Stranger: WAIT i'm already dead i'll be deader  
You: you'll be walking dead  
You: ha  
You: get it  
You: ha  
Stranger: hahahahaha  
You: HA  
Stranger: omg  
Stranger: i have a life size poster cardboard thing of  
Stranger: chandler riggs in my room i love him  
You: aw  
You: cute  
Stranger: it's kinda creepy how he stands there in front of my bed watching me but  
Stranger: i'm kinda into that  
Stranger: jk kill me  
You: Corallllll why are you looking at me....... CORALLL!!!!!!!  
You: YOUR DEAD  
Stranger: omg hahaha when i first got him i posted this pic on ig of me hugging him and my caption was "stay in MY house carl"  
Stranger: shit  
Stranger: you're right  
You: you're dead you're dead you're dead  
You: yeah  
You: yeahhhhhhhhhhhh  
Stranger: i'm so not good at this dead thing  
You: noooooo  
You: not so much  
Stranger: my body cries for sleep but i shall resist i am a WARRIOR  
You: Warriors eat meat not rabbit food sammy  
Stranger: bro  
You: ?  
Stranger: i'm  
Stranger: dying  
You: Dude  
You: you're dead  
Stranger: RIGHT  
You: how many times dp i have to tell you this  
You: do  
Stranger: maybe like a billion more times idk  
You: so you watch alota shows huh?  
Stranger: not much honestly, but i do watch twd when i have time. school kills, marching band kills, my dog kills. i have no time. except at 3am to goof off talking to strangers about how dead i am  
You: i see  
Stranger: i'm almost sleepy i'll give you that ALMOST  
You: I can see clearly now!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
the rain is gone.  
You: Yes!  
Stranger: i'm deader now  
You: What is your name?  
Stranger: jess, hbu?  
You: Stefan.  
Now...  
Jess, how manY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU?  
Stranger: idk stefan but clearly not enough  
You: CLEARLY but apparently not clearly enough because only i can see clearly now  
Stranger: you're  
Stranger: killing me  
You: -.-  
You: Jess.  
You: Seriously  
Stranger: i know you love meeeee  
You: shh  
You: stahp  
Stranger: never  
You: ever ever ever  
You: getting back together  
Stranger: no don't bring taylor swift into this  
You: im sorry. im so ashamed of myself rn  
Stranger: you should be  
You: I. AM.  
You: TRUELY  
Stranger: even though when i was younger i blasted you belong with me like it was my anthem  
You: TRULY  
You: SHH  
You: your anthem huh  
Stranger: YES it was  
Stranger: still is, my man  
Stranger: i'm on the bleachers  
Stranger: and and i wear t shirts  
You: no  
You: Jess no  
You: dont fal;  
You: fall  
You: do not  
You: jess  
Stranger: it's too late  
You: jess  
You: why?  
You: jess  
Stranger: i've fallen and i can't get up  
You: We need to get you one of those stick on hand rails the seniors use in the showers  
Stranger: PLEASE get me one now  
Stranger: i need one of those chair things that go up stairs  
You: Wow............... i thought you said please get on me now.  
No. shh. jess. shh. i am but a innocent traveller.  
Oh yeah, like so you can surf on it down the stairs?  
Stranger: "innocent" and YES it's been my dream to have one stairs hurt me  
You: Whats with the quotation marks. Im totally on yo- innocent. JESS SHUT UP NO YOU CANT HURT ME LIKE THIS. I REFUSE TO LET YOU WALK ALL OVER MY LIKE IM THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA OR SOMETHING. I REFUSE.  
What is love? Stairs dont hurt me  
dont hurt me  
no more  
Stranger: sTOP you're killing me  
Stranger: WAIT  
You: Jess  
Stranger: i'm dead  
You: *slow clappin it out*  
Stranger: please you've already killed me  
You: I'd like to think its one of my most treasured talents  
Stranger: ah yes i can tell by the many times i've been killed that you take pride in this.  
You: :3  
You: Im amazing  
Stranger: ah yes yes yes it's 4am i'm getting there  
Stranger: and yes you definitely are  
You: dude.............................................. jess........................................ bro............................................... honey............................................. sweetheart................................................ please lay down your head my dear.........................  
Stranger: i'm almost at 6am i can DO this i can watch the sun rise  
You: You are cozy and warm in your bed, my dear. Please go the fuck to sleep.  
Stranger: BUT the sun rise it's so nice i see it like every morning  
You: have you read that book? no  
You: no  
You: My humour is wasted on you  
Stranger: yeah my brain is gone at 4am good luck talking to me now  
You: just..................................................................................................................... look at a picture of the sunrise when you get up in 4 hours instead  
You: sleep  
Stranger: sleep is so boring can't talk to you in my sleep PLUS i need to finish this chapter my reader's will kill me  
Stranger: *readers fuck  
You: Do you write fanfic or something?  
Stranger: i do write fanfics but i have an original that i post on wattpad which NEEDS MORE READS GOSH 140 IS NOT ENOUGH  
Stranger: my other story has 1,000 right now and my first story that i posted has 20,000 now roughly and it's not good enough  
You: I had a work on there that had 70, 400 views  
Stranger: THATS NOT FAAAAIR  
You: its shit though  
Stranger: i'm crying  
Stranger: i'm probably a bad writer and my one follower is trying to boost my self esteem  
You: it only has that many because its a popular pairing, dont sweat it  
Stranger: i'm crying my story on fanfiction.net always gets me reviews that ask me to add smut like me??? do you want me, lonely virgin, to write you smut ???  
You: huh  
Stranger: i don't even know if i'm writing a kissing scene right omg SOMEBODY kiss me  
You: Thats....... yeah some people are like that  
You: horny bastards  
Stranger: i've had an 8 year old message me i remember it by heart; hi my name is emmy and i'm 8. i really like your fanfic but i think it'd be better if you added smut  
You: ...............  
Stranger: CHILDREN have nO chill  
You: What has this world come to?  
Stranger: IKR i can't even read smut without getting a little uncomfortable but an EIGHT YEAR OLD i'm crying  
You: that makes me so sad  
Stranger: it was so funny tho, when i updated i was like *author's note: sorry emmy i don't do smut and i got a ton of emails that were like, "why why why why"  
You: because it is uncouth young grasshopers like chill  
Stranger: TRU i mean, like WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS i had parental lock on my computer and my phone up until this year when i went into my dad's phone and got the password and unlocked everything but WHAT are her parents DOING  
You: Exactly. How old are you this year? I wanna know if your parents were those parents... you know  
You: my parents were kind of those parents......................................... kinda  
Stranger: 15 this year i couldn't even go outside until i got my dog they thought my boy neighbors would kidnap me  
You: Ha yeah my parents were convinced up until i got to around 5'10" when i was 16 that i was absolutely unable to go to the skatepark  
You: like jesus. -.-  
Stranger: nooooo. my parents won't let me skate unless i'm wearing kneepads, elbow pads and a helmet  
You: hahaha aww  
Stranger: i wanted a skateboard for christmas last year and they gave me a pink one i cried i wanted black but they said i was getting too depressing lmao  
You: lol sterotypes tho. are you an only child or like the youngest child?  
You: It would explain it mostly  
Stranger: i'm the youngest, my brother is 25 lmao  
You: jasus.  
Stranger: i was either an accident or my parents waited 10 years for another kid  
You: hhahahhahahaahahhahahahahhahahhahhahahaha i dont know whats so funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
You: just.......... "i was either an accident or...."  
You: like oops... theres a baby  
Stranger: ITS TRU THO i think about it sometimes and people ask my mom and stuff and she's like yup we waited  
Stranger: i'm like THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE  
You: extra labour for your brother  
Stranger: but idk why i get the tighter leash man, my brother went on a camping trip with a girl and slept in her tent. i took out a boy and they grilled him for forever  
Stranger: and TRU TRU  
You: Srsly.  
You: I dont get it  
Stranger: oh well  
You: parents  
smh what are we going to do  
Stranger: i can't date till i'm 40 apparently but ayeeee that don't stop me from chasing the booty  
You: Hahahahahha  
You: Ayeee  
Stranger: my mom's like "i want 7 grandchildren" and my dad's like "don't date, boys will hurt you" and i'm like "how am i going to magically birth 7 kids"  
You: ....................... i think you need to get another woman pregnant via lesbian sex  
You: Yep. That is the solution  
Stranger: but supermarket boyyyy  
You: But he be dodgy  
Stranger: he's so nice he's ME literally we both worry about college and grades and life except he's 18 and i'm a fetus  
You: I think i know what the problem is........  
Stranger: wha  
You: He is having conflicting feelings about dating a fetus human that is .... just like him. It's like frickin Norman Bates Twilight  
Stranger: nOOOO he better not have conflicting feelings  
Stranger: he's so hard  
Stranger: not like  
Stranger: that  
Stranger: but  
You: oh  
You: But how would you know  
You: JESS  
Stranger: he smiles at everyone and is nice to everyone like aRE YOU BEING OVERLY NICE TO ME OR  
Stranger: NO  
You: JESS I KNOW WHAT YOU DID  
You: JESSSSSS  
Stranger: HAHAHAHAhahaha i'm amazing you love me  
You: Jess.  
Stranger: stefan.  
You: Jess.  
Stranger: stefan.  
You: Jess.  
Stranger: kill. me.  
You: Donkey!  
You: JESSS  
Stranger: NO NOT SHREK PLEASE  
Stranger: IVE SEEN THE MOVIE LIKE  
You: JESSSSSS YOURE DEAD  
Stranger: 3000000000000 TIMES  
You: JESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
You: YOU ARE DEAD  
Stranger: I'M SCARED OF THE GIANT GINGERBREAD MAN IN THE SECOND MOVIE  
You: but..... gigi  
Stranger: he scared me so bad that i cried in the theaters  
You: Mongo  
Stranger: even when i watch the movie now i'm like  
Stranger: save me someone  
You: Thats it. *Stands up in rage* Jess...  
Stranger: noooooo  
You: Oh so you're not Jess, huh? YOU LIAR. I REFUSE TO LET YOU WALK ALL OVER ME  
You: I AM NOT THE PATH LESS TAKEN  
You: STAHP  
Stranger: NO STEFAAAAAN  
You: yes?  
You: See thats me  
You: who are you?  
Stranger: your worst nightmare  
You: Are you Justin Beiber?  
You: Oh well  
You: the j and the j  
You: it makes sense  
You: oh  
Stranger: ew  
You: well  
You: my opinion has changed  
Stranger: not him pLS even tho he was daddy when baby came out ngl  
Stranger: it's almost 5am and i'm getting to the point where i am truly dead  
You: Jess  
You: you are definitely dead, i know that. You dont need to tell me  
You: Jess  
Stranger: i'm so beyond  
Stranger: dead  
You: did you know that dead backwards is daed  
You: i did  
You: I made laughhhhhhh  
You: Jesssssss  
You: Jess i made me laugh  
Stranger: i'm tired bUT i shan't sleep  
You: JEss jn hfkjfhgvhfgb  
You: jhbfhgfb  
You: Shhhhhhhhhh im amazing  
Stranger: asdfghjkl; kill me  
Stranger: you are  
You: Thanks  
Stranger: where is my "you're amazing too jess, i love you"  
You: well..... i guess.............. ummm.......................... stranger danger........ idk hi? Jess. Happy birthday.  
Stranger: i'm laughing  
You: What is love?  
Stranger: please no  
You: BABY DONT HURT ME  
You: DONT HURT ME  
You: NO  
You: M  
You: O  
You: R  
You: E  
Stranger: PLS just send the tulips over to my coffin now  
You: You dont have long left  
Stranger: i hope church is lit today or i'll fall asleep  
Stranger: last time church was so live that this lady just up and rolled around on the floor like okay ??? you do you  
You: oh  
You: i see how it is  
You: oh  
You: Shit idk jess  
You: jess hple  
You: hlpe  
You: elhp  
You: lehp  
Stranger: almost 5 i'm ALMOST theRE  
You: help  
Stranger: i'm gonna cry if i pass out and i can't talk to you anymore  
You: racecar backwards is racecar  
Stranger: STOP it's too early for tHIS  
You: i THOUGht i sHouLd tell yOU  
You: msorry  
Stranger: stop blowing my miND it can't iT  
Stranger: *take  
Stranger: fuckkk  
Stranger: 7 minutes i'm ALMOST there  
You: Fruit in a cake is called fruitcake. can you sEE THE FUCKING FAMILY RESEMBALENCE??????!!!!!!11111  
Stranger: BRUUUUHHHHH you'RE KILLING ME  
You: JESSSSSSSSSSSSS  
Stranger: WAIT  
You: im so sick of it  
Stranger: I'M DEAD  
You: Jesss no *sob* jess  
Stranger: nooooooo stefaaaan  
You: Are you serious? No im harry  
Stranger: bruuuuuhhhh  
You: Jess. laughing is good for the soul. giggling however, is not. it feeds insanity  
Stranger: why why why why  
You: i have a pet.  
Stranger: what is it  
You: It's name.......... is ......................... raspberry  
Stranger: you  
Stranger: are  
Stranger: kidding  
You: she is a pitbull and she makes silly wuwuwuwuwuw sounds. it's glorious  
Stranger: i have a shiba and he yodels when i play piano his name is leonardo dogcaprio.  
You: .  
You: oh  
You: .  
You: hi  
You: no  
You: jess  
Stranger: yes  
You: jess  
Stranger: i love him he's so fluffy  
Stranger: WAIT that was a despicable me quote i hate  
Stranger: minions  
You: i have a black cat. his name is.... blackie  
Stranger: stoP you're kidding  
You: Im not kidding  
Stranger: you are so creative with names i envy you  
You: jess im not kidding  
Stranger: i'm pretty creative myself  
Stranger: i have a sun conure and his name is  
Stranger: sunny  
You: I have another pitbull, raspberry's brother, called shade  
You: jess  
You: no  
Stranger: that's a contrast  
Stranger: boy  
You: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa jess  
Stranger: i used to take care of a mockingbird bc he was hurt and i named him  
Stranger: carl  
You: coralll why  
Stranger: when i went to my grandma's house he hit himself against the cage and the cage fell and he died  
You: I have a greyhound called crowley  
You: jess  
Stranger: you have TOO many pets  
You: Corallllllllllllllllllll  
You: no  
Stranger: i cried for hours we had a funeral for him  
You: shade died 6 months ago  
Stranger: noOooOoooOOOOOOO  
Stranger: nO  
Stranger: NO  
Stranger: NO  
Stranger: NO  
You: raspberry is lonely without her brother  
Stranger: you're gonna make me cRY  
Stranger: my first bird died of bird depression  
Stranger: i didn't know it was a thing but it's a thing man  
You: wow  
You: that.... is...  
Stranger: she picked out all of her feathers until she bled  
You: wat  
You: no  
Stranger: yES like  
You: christ  
Stranger: she would pull out her feathers and she was like idk bald  
You: wtf  
You: birdy no  
Stranger: and then i had another bird named genie and he pooped blood so one day  
Stranger: my dad took him to be put down  
Stranger: while i was at school  
You: i had a budgy named casper.... he was white.  
Stranger: nOOOOO caSPER  
You: yes  
You: yes jess  
Stranger: my neighbor has budgies i love them  
You: budgy wudgy  
You: no  
You: wait  
You: shh  
You: jess  
You: sh  
Stranger: what  
Stranger: yES ITS 5AM MY DUDE  
You: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee  
Stranger: i have so much homework i'm going to DIE  
Stranger: WAIt  
You: jess  
Stranger: i need to sotp  
Stranger: *stop  
Stranger: my god  
Stranger: i can't type  
You: i think sotp is better anyway  
Stranger: spto  
You: pots  
You: HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHHAA  
Stranger: bruH  
You: Im a genius  
Stranger: why couldn't i think of that  
You: You aren't a certified geniud  
You: s  
You: NO  
Stranger: I, Jess, an honor roll student could not think of that  
Stranger: HAHAHAHAA  
Stranger: GENIUS  
You: JESS  
You: SHUT UP  
You: NO  
Stranger: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
You: JESS  
Stranger: HAHA i'm dying  
Stranger: WAIT  
You: I A M A MAZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG  
You: JESS  
Stranger: YOU ARE  
You: jess  
Stranger: i'm tired  
You: me too  
Stranger: but  
You: good bye cruel world  
Stranger: NOOOOOO STEFAN  
You: its jack  
You: and your rose  
Stranger: whY  
You: you bitch. you let go wtf rose  
Stranger: NOOOOo there was room for both of us  
You: YOU LET GOOOOOOOOOOO  
You: THERE IS NO EXCUSE  
Stranger: LET IT GOOOO LET IT GOOOO  
You: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
Stranger: CONCEAL DONT FEEL DONT LET THEM KNOW  
You: doughnut goo there jess doughnut go there  
You: DOUGH NUT  
Stranger: you got lucky i don't know anymore lyrics  
Stranger: BRUH  
Stranger: i'M  
Stranger: DYINg  
You: HUNGRY  
You: OH  
You: WHALE SHIT THEN  
You: shit  
Stranger: WHY  
Stranger: I really want candy right now  
You: doughnut im hungry coza the doughnut i thought you were gonsay it too but nooooooooooooooo  
You: Candy cant even handle me rightttt nowww  
Stranger: I'm DEAd  
Stranger: my mom took away my candy  
Stranger: i had  
Stranger: two bags of caramel thingys  
You: oh the caramel thingys  
Stranger: and she took it and was like, "your heart is gonna speed up" like MOM PLS  
You: speed up in anger  
Stranger: oH i have a heart thing lmaO  
Stranger: it's funny  
You: You have a heart?  
You: oh  
You: news  
Stranger: YEAh but like a thing a murmur some regurg thing in the valves i don't listen  
You: hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i have a heart murmur  
Stranger: twinnsssss  
You: .......weird.  
You: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu(ck)nnnnnnnnnnnn  
Stranger: last year my heart would beat like 170 bpm in claSS it was funny  
You: kk nn  
You: who  
You: wat  
You: wen  
Stranger: ya  
You: wer  
You: wy  
You: hw  
You: 5ws an h  
You: aw ye  
Stranger: bruH  
Stranger: almost 5:30 i can make it  
Stranger: my head hurts  
You: put it in the microwave. it should hulp  
Stranger: probably brb  
You: k  
Stranger: potassium to you too  
You: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
You: shit  
You: shots bin fird  
Stranger: you're gr8  
Stranger: my teeth hurt  
You: tnx m8  
Stranger: i've had braces on for like  
Stranger: 4 extra months  
You: pull them out  
Stranger: i wish  
Stranger: i hear kissing with braces sucks so that'll kill my rep  
You: ....with your nose  
You: mehhehheh  
Stranger: i'm dying  
You: jess  
Stranger: i'm dead  
You: mw fgt  
You: ow  
You: fuck  
You: ow  
You: brb  
Stranger: wha  
You: I kicked the oil heater and it got stuck my foot ow ouchie jess ouchie  
Stranger: awww are you okaaaayyyy  
You: noooooooo  
You: its burnt  
Stranger: noooooooooooo  
Stranger: you should  
Stranger: put it in the microwave  
Stranger: i hear it'll help  
You: potassium  
Stranger: k to you too then  
You: imma run it under water. brb  
Stranger: okayyy  
You: running underwater. sounds like michael jackson  
Stranger: hahahha i laugh  
You: i scream you scream we all scream for iscream  
Stranger: boy do i love a nice bowl of  
Stranger: iscream  
You: icecream  
You: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  
Stranger: nah nah  
Stranger: iscream  
You: potassium. iscream  
You: like a new apple product for halloween  
Stranger: yes yes yes  
Stranger: that would be  
Stranger: amazing  
Stranger: halloween is my favorite holiday  
You: its my favorite birthday  
Stranger: i'm gonna be  
Stranger: a zombie this year  
Stranger: a 1950's zombie  
Stranger: catch me on the streets in my oldie heels  
You: ill dress as a dick and balls ensemble  
Stranger: i  
Stranger: wish i thought of that  
Stranger: MAN  
Stranger: i told my friends our theme this year was gonna be scary  
You: you can be the vagina then. win win  
Stranger: HA  
Stranger: you're funny  
You: im sorry  
Stranger: i have my costume already i ordered it early bc my friends hate my themes  
You: i wanted to go as juno but jay convinced me otherwise  
Stranger: why thooo  
You: why wat  
Stranger: why not  
You: he wanted me to be his juliet  
Stranger: aW  
Stranger: goals  
Stranger: i'm here like  
Stranger: "somebody be a zombie hunter to my zombie"  
Stranger: "NO JESSIE"  
You: I told him no. we decided on bert and ernie  
Stranger: still goals  
Stranger: goals goals goals goals  
Stranger: i can't even get anybody to coordinate with me ever  
Stranger: last year we were princesses but of course i didn't wanna be so i was ursula and i was like, "can someone be ariel" "NO JESSIE"  
You: aw last year i was ................................................................................................................................................  
You: i dont know if i should say. i dont know if you'll know who im talking about  
Stranger: tell MEE  
You: Dale Cooper  
Stranger: i KNOW who that iS  
You: shit  
Stranger: from from from twin peaks ??? oR am I losing my shiT  
You: UHHHHH.......................................................... no  
You: hit  
You: uh  
You: shit  
Stranger: AhhHhh  
You: no it wasnt that dale cooper  
Stranger: MAN  
Stranger: I was  
You: it was much much worse  
Stranger: CLOSE  
Stranger: which one ???  
You: ............................................................................... oh god  
Stranger: pLEASE  
You: shit..... dont google him..... *whispers*  
Stranger: whoooo  
You: the porn star. it was A JOKE JESSSSSSSS  
Stranger: I crI  
Stranger: i am a CHILD  
You: JESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS IT WAS A JOKE BC MY FRIEND IS GAY AND JESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
Stranger: of GOD  
Stranger: you kill me  
Stranger: i'm googling him  
You: JESS  
You: NOOOOOO  
Stranger: too late  
Stranger: i'm doing it  
You: Dont its a gay porn star  
You: dont  
You: no  
You: stop  
You: jess  
Stranger: ha  
You: you will die  
You: jess  
You: no  
Stranger: i'm doing it  
Stranger: it's  
Stranger: too  
Stranger: late  
You: your too inncoceenttttt  
You: nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  
You: jess  
You: jessie no  
You: jesssssssssssssssss  
Stranger: does he have a mustache or like a beard ???  
You: ....... he'll only come up if you type in pornstar  
You: but dont do it  
Stranger: that's  
Stranger: too  
Stranger: hard  
You: JJESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS  
Stranger: i'm going on tumblr  
Stranger: HA  
Stranger: i just saw what i did haha  
You: Jess  
Stranger: tumblr HAS to have it and it won't come up  
Stranger: on  
Stranger: my history  
Stranger: goodbye  
Stranger: innocence  
You: no jess  
Stranger: IT SNOT THERE  
Stranger: I was ready  
You: go on incognito mode  
Stranger: that's  
Stranger: so  
Stranger: much  
Stranger: woRK  
You: ctrl+shft+n  
Stranger: too much work  
Stranger: i'll  
You: you'll never see it  
Stranger: find out one day  
Stranger: oh wow its almost 6 we're almost there  
Stranger: how do you even dress up as a porn star how  
You: "dale cooper and anthony romero" search that its actually pg  
Stranger: i'm  
Stranger: scared  
You: i didn't  
Stranger: i'm  
You: its pg i swear  
Stranger: so  
Stranger: tired  
You: nvm  
Stranger: my eyes  
You: oops  
You: ........................  
You: sleep  
Stranger: just  
Stranger: 9 more minutes  
You: ........ we've been talking for 3 hours  
Stranger: WHoA  
Stranger: that's a record  
Stranger: usually i can only annoy strangers for like  
Stranger: an hour  
You: huh............  
You: woah  
Stranger: i remember this one guy that talked to me for like almost an hour and he was flirting with me and i was like wait how old are you  
Stranger: and he's like 30  
Stranger: and i'm like gtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtgtg  
You: ..................................................wow  
You: gross  
Stranger: i laughed  
You: i cried  
Stranger: it was funny  
You: it was terrifying  
Stranger: i died  
You: i lived  
Stranger: i can hear people talking downstairs  
Stranger: WHO is thIS it is 5 minutes to 6  
You: like... in hell?  
Stranger: like in my kitchen  
You: so... hell.  
Stranger: TruuuUuu  
Stranger: if my brother is awake at 6 i'll fight him  
Stranger: he has to go to church too  
Stranger: but  
Stranger: more than me according to my mom  
You: Take me to church  
Stranger: i'll worship like a dog  
Stranger: i got in trouble for playing that song in the car  
You: and you can sharpen your knife  
You: jhrbgiwebrgliwerglibglibrgbrtbrth  
You: why  
Stranger: my mom was like "how are you listening to this song about worship like a dog give me ur phone"  
Stranger: like k....  
You: fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuun stuff  
Stranger: i can listen to lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off but not that thanks mom  
Stranger: that's right  
You: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffun bags  
Stranger: i'm emo  
You: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffun emos ahahha  
Stranger: i used to be so emo but i saved myself  
You: me too  
You: it was lame  
Stranger: i used to listen to  
You: so lame  
Stranger: pierce the veil  
Stranger: i still shudder  
You: oh yeah... the ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffun days  
You: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuck that  
Stranger: hey hey its 6am my dude  
You: wat  
Stranger: i did it yay the sun rises in half an hour i'm ready  
You: my day is gone  
You: jess  
Stranger: why  
You: :c  
Stranger: i took it oops  
You: jess  
Stranger: stefan  
You: you're just like rose  
Stranger: nooooo you're kidding  
You: what would you do if i said i wasnt  
Stranger: i would  
Stranger: fight you  
You: soory. i laffed  
You: i lafed so hrd  
You: jess  
Stranger: pls  
You: fite meh  
Stranger: i shall  
Stranger: i'll release my inner ninja  
You: ..... shit this is so trippy. we've come full circle.  
Stranger: HA i was thinking that  
You: It must be a sign that you should go the fuck to sleep  
You: srsly jess  
Stranger: never  
You: jess  
Stranger: it's only 6  
Stranger: i've stayed up till 7 before  
You: you rebel. you woke up for two minutes stayed up till 7 then fell asleep didn't you  
Stranger: no no no i stayed up till nine once, i was goofing off on a wednesday and my dog threw up  
Stranger: everywhere  
Stranger: i had to stay up and clean it up lmao i almost died  
You: ..................................................................  
You: jess  
You: jess  
Stranger: stefan  
You: jess  
You: jess  
You: jess  
You: jess  
Stranger: it's too early for sleep  
You: jess no thts not how this works  
Stranger: yes yes it is  
You: are you going tell your people that you got no sleep because you stayed up for 3 hours talking to a dreamy boy?  
Stranger: yup that's what i'm gonna tell em  
You: good  
You: lying is a sin  
Stranger: i thought i was the dreamy one in this conversation  
You: you would be.... if you got some fucking sleep  
Stranger: HA  
Stranger: this is why i'm not tall  
You: im amazing  
Stranger: you are  
You: yeah............ *sighs dreamily at myself*  
Stranger: where is my "you're so amazing jess omg i love you so much you're so great"  
You: ummmmm stranger danger.  
Stranger: we're talked for hours, have i not made it to acquaintance yet  
You: Im going to your funeral. We're past acquaintances  
Stranger: tru  
Stranger: what are we  
Stranger: i'm bringing the memes into this help  
You: ...can i make this cheesy and ask...... What do you want us to be?  
Stranger: AH the cheese  
You: fetaaaaaa  
You: blueeeeeee  
You: cremeeeee  
Stranger: feta is fave  
You: i kno  
Stranger: we need to be  
Stranger: super amazing magnificent awesome super friends  
You: i was going to say "sure, i can work with that" but you know what?

"What if i said no????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Dundundundudund dun dun. und. sh.  
Stranger: i would cry forever and never go to sleep i would just cry  
You: baddum tsh  
You: What if i said yes?  
Stranger: then we'd live happily ever after as super amazing magnificent awesome super friends  
You: What if i said labelling is stupid?  
Stranger: i  
Stranger: have friends like that lmaoo  
You: hahahhaa  
You: no srsly  
You: jess  
You: srsy  
Stranger: que  
You: ssej  
You: im staking you like a freak  
Stranger: i'm  
You: jess what would you sayjess  
You: jess  
Stranger: i would  
Stranger: die  
You: what if i was jess and you were stefan  
You: wat  
Stranger: i would die  
You: wait  
Stranger: looool  
You: What if you were my sleepy jess and i was your dreamy stefan  
You: what would the church say  
You: *gasp*  
Stranger: idk man  
Stranger: it'd say  
Stranger: "wow go to sleep jess"  
You: The controversyyyyyyyyyyyyy  
You: absolute blasphemy  
Stranger: probably  
You: yeah  
Stranger: i'm  
Stranger: falling asleep  
You: or we could just be super amazing magnificent awesome super friends thats fine its cool  
Stranger: hahahaha  
You: when do you need to be up?  
Stranger: probablyy  
You: im amazing i know  
Stranger: 7:30  
Stranger: 7?  
Stranger: maybe 8  
You: ok. well. I dont want to ditch you and never talk to you again.................. but you need sleep, what dp you want to do?  
Stranger: uhhhh  
Stranger: do you have like a kik, or insta, or or or or an email even tho thats soooooo last century or a blog or somethING  
You: Uhhhh yeah i have kik  
You: Stefan*******  
Stranger: my phone died lmaoo  
You: hahaha  
Stranger: i'll write it down  
You: ok  
Stranger: if you see a nerd kik you  
Stranger: its me  
You: okay  
You: i see  
Stranger: remember  
Stranger: tulips at my funeral  
You: yup  
You: now sleep jess  
You: sleeeeeppppp  
Stranger: so much work  
You: sleeeeepppyyyyyyy  
You: you are getting sleepyyyyyyy  
You: very sleeppppyyyy  
Stranger: i'm so sleepy bruhh but i AM a WARRIOR  
You: meat  
You: not rabbit food  
Stranger: i reuse my material when i get tired  
Stranger: kill me  
You: you are dead jess  
Stranger: probably  
You: this is the after life  
Stranger: its pretty nice  
You: aw  
Stranger: i can't stop yawning lmao stop me  
You: you know what im going to disconnect  
You: jess  
Stranger: nnooooo  
You: go to sleep.  
You: jess  
Stranger: nononononononono  
You: just write down my kik and you can talk to me later  
Stranger: but  
You: jess  
Stranger: time differences man  
You: i know, i know  
You: you readyyyyy???  
Stranger: im crying  
Stranger: no no non nononono  
You: pull yourself together woman your a warrior  
Stranger: warriors don't need sleep  
You: yes. they need to process the meat  
Stranger: i keep  
Stranger: dozing  
Stranger: fuckkkkk  
You: jess im disconnecting in 5....  
Stranger: nooooooo  
You: 4......  
Stranger: pls  
Stranger: nononononono  
You: 3......... jess sweetie sleep  
Stranger: nooooooo sleep is for the weak  
You: 2.......................... jess it's okay just message me when you wake up  
Stranger: but  
You: 1............................................................................................................................................... bye jess x  
Stranger: nooo  
You: yes. bye, it was great talking. see you on the flip side.  
Stranger: but

 

**You have disconnected.**


End file.
